mrbrown: L'infantile terrible of Singapore

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What happened to my "mrbrown and the flood" column

Update: Further clarification from my editor reveals that it was the Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources that raised their objections to the column to MICA, who then conveyed the feedback to Singtel.

The column I wrote entitled "mrbrown and the flood" was removed from the Insing site because Ministry of Information, Communications and the Arts (MICA) the Ministry of the Environment and Water Resources (MEWR) took issue with it and asked for it to be taken down.

From what I understand, MICA's MEWR's issue (via MICA) with the column was that it criticized a minister and a ministry.

I am now posting it on my blog in its entirety for you to enjoy:


mrbrown and the flood (Warning: contains satire and jokes)

I think we need to appoint a Minister of Freak Incidents soon.

After all, who is going to deal with the kind of incidents like the recent flooding of Bukit Timah? According to the authorities, the kind of rainfall that can cause such flooding was a 'freak' event that occurs only once in 50 years.

Environment Minister Yaacob Ibrahim even said, "We knew the diversion canal was not big enough to take this."

That was very reassuring to know. I can imagine someone saying, "You know, those canals are not going to be able to take very heavy rainfall."

And someone else in charge might have said, "We know. But what to do? We cannot make the biggest canals to accommodate the biggest rainfall possible. We can't cater to freaks. Anyway, once in a half-century only lah."

If your Ferrari happened to be submerged in a basement car park that fateful freak of a day, and your insurance does not cover "use of car as submarine", you can still find solace that the next time this kind of flooding occurs, it will be 50 years later.

So feel free to buy a new car and park it in underground car parks along Bukit Timah after this.

While this is not Katrina, the residents of District 11 do not have it good, either. They work hard, live on prime land, and their homes cost millions of dollars. Plus their area does not even have an MRT station yet. And now, poor things, their district is the new Singapore River.

I think we should see the bright side. Perhaps we can try to make the best of things. If you cannot stop the flooding, why not make Bukit Timah the Venice of Singapore? What could be more romantic and prestigious than living in Singapore's Canal District?

Instead of driving, residents can glide down Bukit Timah in gondolas and luxury boats. Why should only Punggol get the water sports fun?

The fancy schools along that stretch can have annual Boat Races there, a la Oxford and Cambridge. ACS, SCGS, Hwa Chong, NJC, St Joseph's, all competing in the annual Bukit Timah Freak Flood Inter-School Boat Race.

Schools there will no longer need their own swimming pools. Instead, we can groom a new generation of young swimmers who have been trained from young to swim to school for their exams.

It's not a flood-prone area, it's a waterfront lifestyle opportunity.

Our submarine corps need not go elsewhere for their training exercises, too. Just get those ex-Västergötland class Swedish subs into the Bukit Timah Canal District and do their drills there. It may be challenging to create parking lots for the subs but I am sure the government will find a way.

I hear they are installing some water-level sensor which will warn of rising water levels in Bukit Timah Canal. I suppose it is so that if the sensor goes off, the Traffic Police can notify nearby condominiums and residents can carry their cars upstairs to their attics or drive it to HDB multi-storey car parks nearby.

Frankly, I feel a simple sign will do. Something that says "If the water level along Bukit Timah rises above this sign, please alert the authorities".

Another initiative the government can consider is to start neighbourhood Flood Watch. All the homes in Bukit Timah will be issued with buckets and assigned flood duties. In the event of flooding, residents will pour out onto the streets to scoop up buckets of water and dump the water in the Bukit Timah Canal. Clever, right?

That is my suggestion to our leaders. Don't fight the flood, go with the flow! It is only a freak flood, Singapore.

Ah this just brings back fond memories of walking to my school along Bukit Timah Road in torrential rain, and walking right into the giant longkang near Coronation Plaza because flood waters obscured the pavement and the drain! Good times!

Right! Let's move on! Who wants to volunteer to be Singapore's first Minister of Freak Incidents and Drains? Hands up! The position offers good pay and you only need to worry about stuff once every 50 years.

Insing column: mrbrown and the flood

Update 2: Details regarding this piece can be read in this post.

Update 1: The link to this week's column is not working at the moment. I will find out why and update you all once I get a clearer picture. Thank you for your kind patience and sorry for the inconvenience.


Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the flood" [link to column removed]

Excerpt:

I think we need to appoint a Minister of Freak Incidents soon.

After all, who is going to deal with the kind of incidents like the recent flooding of Bukit Timah? According to the authorities, the kind of rainfall that can cause such flooding was a 'freak' event that occurs only once in 50 years.

Environment Minister Yaacob Ibrahim even said, "We knew the diversion canal was not big enough to take this."

That was very reassuring to know.

I can imagine someone saying, "You know, those canals are not going to be able to take very heavy rainfall."

And someone else in charge might have said, "We know. But what to do? We cannot make the biggest canals to accommodate the biggest rainfall possible. We can't cater to freaks. Anyway, once in a half-century only lah." [link to column removed]

VW Polo Non-Stop Weekend: East Coast Park

Our final video from the 30 Hour Non-Stop Weekend Rally. The East Coast Park crowd was great. There was a staring contest for the goodie bags premiums, and I also showed off my er, reverse parking skillz.

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VW Polo 30-hour Non-Stop Weekend: Sunday at East Coast

We got a little less than two hours sleep before we setting off for the next leg of our rally. We did manage to catch a lovely sunrise at our cove. Sigh, such a nice luxury catamaran we were on but so little time. Here are a few shots to make you drool.

Our first stop for Sunday was East Coast Park. After some McD's for breakfast so we started our meet the people session (we WERE in white). The response at East Coast was great. People came up to chat with us, ask us about our drive so far, and to check out the Polo. I signed an autograph for Angus, a young fan, and we took a photograph with his family.

Ryan was most eloquent and helpful with folks who wanted to know about the car. I swear he can be a car salesman. I think his liking the car himself helped him to articulate what was neat about our Polo.

We made our way to Katong Village next, where we had lunch in Katong (delightful Marmite chicken and char siew there), then we were off to Bishan Park to give out goodie bags to joggers and folks walking their dogs. We made a stop at AMK Central too and could not resist queuing for the Bubble tea at Koi Cafe, near AMK Hub.

I think I got a little too ambitious with my order and asked for a large for Ryan and me. I ended up with enough pearls in my large Bubble Plum Green Tea to be a meal. Ryan had a large Bubble Milk Tea and also had trouble finishing it.

Benjamin Heng, Carolina and the rest of our rally team very quickly gave out our goodie bags to the shoppers at AMK Central.

With that done, we headed back the Volkswagen centre, our final checkpoint. It was a zoo there, with people waiting to test drive the Polo. Even our rally car was quickly pressed into service to help with the test drives.

I wanted to have some ice cream or three at the showroom but my brain was too tired to even think of asking for a scoop. And also, I was still burping bubble tea pearls.

Time to koonz. I will share more photos and video when I am sufficiently rested from our 30-hour adventure. I will probably be dreaming of 7-speed twin clutch gearboxes and bubble tea pearls.

VW Polo 30-hour Non-Stop Weekend: our Sunday schedule

Our rally is still on! Here are our checkpoints for today (Sunday, 22nd Nov 2009):

• 8am: East Coast Park (Carpark in front of McDonald's
• 12am: Katong Village (Carpark)
• 1pm: Bishan Park (Carpark E-17)
• 2pm: AMK Central
• 4pm: Volkswagen Centre Singapore, 247 Alexandra Road

Ryan and I are looking forward to meeting you all!

Once again, do twitter us during with fun weekend ideas! You can twitter me at @mrbrown!

Find out more at polo.sg!

VW Polo Non-Stop Weekend: Dempsey Hill, St James and Zouk

After a hearty dinner of Teochew porridge at Ye Shanghai (on Henderson Road, opposite Henderson Secondary School), Ryan, Benjamin Heng and I made our way to Dempsey Hill to show off the Polo to diners there.

Carolina was already there, preparing the goodie bags to give away. We also made stops at St James and Zouk. My wife did not believe me when I told her earlier that I was probably not going to have time to enter said clubs because I would be busy showing people the car. Sigh.

So many beautiful people at Zouk, man.

After our Zouk visit, we had a bit of supper at a little past midnight. By now, I would have been up for 19 hours already (I got up at 6am on Saturday). We had one more stop to make. Can you guess from the photos where we are?

It's 3.27am now. I think it is time to get an hour or two of shuteye before our second leg begins. Catch you guys after a few zzz's. Ok, just one or two z's.

VW Polo Non-Stop Weekend: Mount Faber and Sentosa

Ryan and I drive up Mount Faber and later drive into Sentosa where we give out VW Polo goodie bags.

I have an important job to do. Find out what at the end of the vid.

VW Polo Non-Stop Weekend: take a look at the boot

Meet my travel buddy Ryan and emcee Ben, who are part of our VW Polo Non-Stop Weekend rally. I will see their faces for 30 hours as we drive around Singapore.

I thought you might also like to see how a VW Polo boot looks like haha!